Welcome Emmeline Carrie Baker!

When we got pregnant, our plan was to deliver at the Women's Birth and Wellness Center in Chapel Hill, trying for an all natural, low intervention delivery. Well, that's not what God or our baby had planned. Here's the story...

At 41 weeks, which is a week overdue, I went in to the Birth Center for a check, then went home and contracted all night long every 3 mins or so, until about 8am. Then, nothing. No contractions, no nothing. Dang. Having already scheduled a massage for that afternoon at 1:00, I went on over there, and just before the massage started, on my final trip to the restroom, my water broke right there in the toilet. Thankfully it wasn't all over the massage therapists table or floor or couch...or me for that matter. Unfortunately, the fluid wasn't clear but was lightly tinged with meconium, or baby's first poop, which isn't surprising in an overdue baby. It still adds a whole new dimension to the delivery, however, putting you at a little higher risk for infection and the baby at a low risk for respiratory problems after delivery. So I called the midwife to let her know and continued on with my massage.

That night I started contracting again, about every 2-4 minutes, and was getting excited. This could be it! But then by 6am, nothing. One of the midwives came over that morning to check me, and would you believe I was still only 1cm dilated. My heart just about broke. She gave me 3 options: do nothing and wait, try castor oil to see if it would induce labor, or go to UNC for pitocin to induce labor. None of those sounded awesome, but I opted for castor oil as I wasn't quite ready to head to the hospital.

Now castor oil isn't the most pleasant stuff to take, even when mixed with ice cream and root beer, but I managed to get it down spoonful by spoonful. It did start some contractions, but they weren't strong, so at 1:00 on Friday, a full 24 hours after my water broke, I called the midwife again and she said come in to the birth center for some more castor oil and some herbs that can also jump start labor. By 2:00 we were there and contractions were kicking. So were my bowels after so much castor oil, and let me tell you, diarrhea and contractions do not really make for a fun afternoon.

So we went along, contracting every 2-3 for a good 6 hours, and when Jewell, the midwife, checked me at 8:00 Friday night, I was so hopeful for at least a few more centimeters. But alas, I was still only 1. That was awful news. So disheartening. However, it made my next decision very easy. We were headed to UNC for pitocin and an epidural. I was done with this prodromal labor and wanted to kick it into high gear quick as my water had been broken for so long.

We arrived at UNC, also known as "work" for me, and were greeted by my coworkers and friends with smiles and looks of pity as I was hurting so badly with each contraction. My dear friend Lisa was my nurse and she got me set up pretty quickly with an epidural and some time to rest. She made sure I acted like a patient and not a nurse, and thankfully I trusted her to take care of the both of us. The baby's baseline heart rate, which was usually in the 140s, had increased into the 160s, which is a pretty sure sign of impending infection. Not reassuring. Then the baby's heart rate started into a pattern we call "repetitive lates", which means after each contraction, her heart rate would drop some--also not reassuring. The decision was made then to do a c-section.

So that's what we did. Two doctors that I really admire, respect, and call friends did the surgery (thanks Kate and Ashley), and my nurse friends Lisa G and Vite were there to take care of me, Chris, and baby. My anesthesia doctor was Melissa, who was incredible as well. Chris was with me, and so was Jewell, and they kept me reassured through the whole thing. Though a c-section was about as far from my birth plan as you can imagine, it was what needed to happen to keep baby B safe.

One of the greatest blessings we received during this whole process was from my friend Annemie. She's a nurse I work with as well as a budding photographer on the side. She came in to the hospital at 2am to document the whole birth of our baby, something I cannot ever pay her enough for. Here's the pictures of the birth of our baby. I still cry when I watch it. Thank you Annemie for such a gift.

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=b232b84c6a3b78c03e998c&skin_id=601&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

When they finally pulled little baby B out, they held her up for Chris to see and announce if "it" was a boy or girl. When he said girl, I burst into tears. Our daughter was here. She was immediately handed off to the NICU team to get her going and breathing good, and when we finally heard her cry, well, that was the best sound I think I've ever heard.

Finally in recovery I got to hold my baby girl, Emmeline Carrie Baker. She was so small, yet so alert and beautiful--so full of promise and we were so full of love for her. I never knew I could love something some much so quickly, and Chris and I only dated for 9 weeks before getting engaged! This was our baby, something we'd prayed for and hoped for since getting married. Now she was here.

Several days later, we came home--Chris, tired from long days and nights on the pull out couch at the hospital and having mastered diaper changes, and me, sore everywhere and exhausted and trying to recover from surgery while learning to be a mom. However, I think we've transitioned well. Emmeline is sweet and fairly predictable and just so darn cute. She sleeps well when she sleeps, eats like a champ, and loves to be near us. We can't wait to see the little person she becomes in the future, but right now, we're enjoying just being new parents with a precious baby girl.

lab results

Labs are in from my 24hr urine and it came back "protein too low to calculate". That's good! Pair that with my negative blood work, and at this point I'm OK. So they're calling it migraine, which I'll take any day over pre-ecclampsia, but still, ugh!

My headache is still there but more annoying than really painful, and its managed at this point with a pain med called Fioricet. Hopefully that'll hold me over until this baby arrives and I can go back to my normal "drug cocktail" for migraines.

Thank you to all who prayed and for all the encouraging words the last few days. Its amazing how being "sick" can make you feel so loved and cared for. Chris and I and baby B really really appreciate it.

We'll keep ya'll posted on the blog and facebook/twitter as to what is happening. For now, Chris and I are headed to Guglhupf for breakfast. After a few days laying around, I can't wait to get outside!

quick, and much needed, update

Wow, its been a week. Actually, its been about 8 weeks since I last posted, which is TERRIBLE, but I just haven't felt like writing much. I guess I figured little updates here and there on facebook are enough, but after the past few days, I think a real good one is in order. So here's the latest.

We are 39 weeks and almost 4 days pregnant. I can't believe its drawing to a close, even though these days are creeping by!

As many of you know, our baby turned to breech (head up and feet down) in the 37th week, and so we opted for an External Cephalic Version, where a doctor manually turns the baby by pushing on mommy's tummy really hard. They don't always work, but this one did, and so far Baby Baker has cooperated and stayed head down. Go baby!

Things looked great for a few weeks, and then week 39 happened. Oh mercy.

Where to start? Throughout this pregnancy, I've had "borderline" blood pressures in clinic, meaning they've been higher than normal but not considered severe, like 120s-130s over 70s-80s. I take my blood pressure (BP) at home and its normal. So it seems I suffer from "white coat syndrome", meaning health care providers make me nervous and my BP goes up. The concern with high BP in pregnancy is a condition known as pre-ecclampsia, which is defined as high BP and proteinuria (or protein in your urine). I've been worried about this from the start since my BPs were always borderline, but I had never been severe, they were normal at home, and I never had any other symptoms like headache, stomach pain, or vision changes.

Now, with my job, I see pre-ecclampsia often. The concern with it is that it progresses into Ecclampsia, which is seizures and a medical emergency. We see patients with BPs of 160/110 or higher and lots of protein in their pee. Yikes, that's bad. They are immediately put on magnesium sulfate to try to prevent seizures and lower their BPs, and they are delivered asap. Its not a fun thing to live through since mag sulfate makes patients feel terrible and it makes inducing labor difficult.

So on Tuesday, my pressures in clinic finally hit that severe range (144/99). Not good. I didn't have any other symptoms, so the midwives drew some blood and I had to collect my pee for 24 hours to test it for protein. I also had to check my pressures at home a little more often. The blood tests all came back totally normal, my 24 hour urine protein was within normal limits, and my BPs at home were lower. Yeah! I was OK. Still, the midwives said no more work, so Wednesday was my last day on L&D until maternity leave is over in August.

THEN, I got a headache on Thursday. It started as a dull, achy thing that seemed annoying at most. Tylenol seemed to help some, and since I'm pregnant, that's my only real pain med option that's over the counter. I figured it was related to the stress of the week. But by Friday night, it got bad. So bad that I called the clinic at 3am almost in tears b/c it hurt so bad and I couldn't sleep. Tylenol wasn't touching it, and Benadryl wasn't knocking me out as usual. The midwife, Sarah, suggested a few other pain options that I had here, and I finally slept for a few hours, only to wake up with the same awful pain. It felt like a migraine, and my BPs were pretty normal, but it was still worrisome. Was this pre-ecclampsia rearing its ugly head?

Another midwife (Katie) suggested a "rescue cocktail" of tylenol, sudafed, and coffee, which helped for a few hours, but the pain always returned. I kept thinking, if I go into labor now, I'm screwed b/c I won't be able to handle it with this headache, and I just want to sleep. She prescribed a pain med called Fioricet, but that didn't touch it.

Finally, this afternoon she brought into the clinic for the same blood work and to start another 24 hour urine, as long as my pressures weren't in the severe range, which they weren't. She dipped my urine there at the Birth Center, and it was negative for protein (awesome), but still wanted a 24hour collection again. The baby looked good on the monitor, thankfully, but mommy still had a real bad headache.

I left the Birth Center with a script for Vicodin and Phenergan and orders to sleep. Yes ma'am. Please! I asked a few friends to pray for rest and peace and for normal blood work and normal BPs.

Kate texted me an hour or so ago with my lab results, which were ALL NORMAL! Yeah, thank you Lord. That's great news. I was actually asleep when the text came in, which was also great news. Now we just wait on the 24 urine collection to end and be tested. I'll let ya'll know the results tomorrow night. If they are normal, then we can keep on as usual. If not, I guess we'll have to start talking about other options for delivery. Until then, I'll keep taking the pain meds and continue to pray for healing and a normal end to this pregnancy.

That's the update for now. I'm OK at this point, but have definitely had a pretty hard day. If you are a praying person, please lift us up (Chris too, b/c he has to put up with me being really out of it, and I know he gets worried). I'm trying to really lean on our Lord for strength and know that I can trust Him in this.

On a lighter note, since I've stopped working, I've lost 3 lbs of water weight. My legs have gone way down...I have knees again! Alright!

So now, more Vicodin and more sleeping.

Almost 31 weeks

In 2 days, I'll have reached 31 weeks pregnant. Oh my how time flies! It seems like just yesterday I was buying pregnancy tests that kept coming up negative even though I KNEW they should be positive. Yes, Chris thought I was having a hysterical pregnancy, but I wasn't...obviously. That was over 6 months ago.

Now its the 3rd trimester, and I'm feeling it. I'm feeling big. I'm feeling curious. I'm feeling freaked out (but just a little and not too often).

Let's start with feeling big. A nurse friend that I work with told me this week that she thought I was growing a big baby. Fabulous. Here I am, all about pursuing a natural, out of hospital birth, and now I have to consider pushing out a mega-baby? Thankfully I passed my glucola test at 28 weeks, so I don't have gestational diabetes, which predisposes you to big babies, but still. My boss made me feel better when she said she thought it was going to be a long baby. I'll take long! Its wide that makes me squeeze my legs together and tremble slightly.

On to feeling curious. Another nurse friend, who had two birth center deliveries, asked how I was feeling about the actual delivery, mentioning that she had felt excited about the first one b/c it was something so new and unknown. I agreed with her, but more than excited, at this point I'm super curious--about everything. How will I handle contraction pain? How bad will it hurt? Will I be a screamer, a moaner, the silent type? Will I shake, puke, poop? Will pushing feel better or worse? Will I go fast or slow? So many questions about the delivery!!!

Then there's the curiosity about the baby. Boy or girl? (yes, we still DON'T know). Lots of hair? What color? What color eyes? I'm guessing yes to lots of hair b/c of the ridiculous amount of heart burn I've been having, and I'm guessing light colored eyes b/c I have green ones and Chris has green/brown ones. Hair color remains a mystery to me. How big will this little one be? How long? How many fingers and toes? Hopefully 10 and 10. Will baby Baker be a good sleeper? A good nurser? An easy or hard baby?

This moves us into curiosity about motherhood. What will I love? What will I fear? What will I hate? Are cloth diapers worth it? Will baby Baker take a bottle when the time is right? Will pumping at work be strange or a nice break? How often will I get peed on/pooped on/spit up on every day? How will my priorities change? How will I lose the weight I've gained? How do I buy groceries? Etc. etc. etc. etc.

And this segues nicely into feeling freaked out, sometimes. If I start to think about how much will change in 2-3 months, it can get overwhelming. Thankfully, I have lots of great friends, family, and resources to find answers to my questions and help with I need it. My sweet husband will dutifully take on diapers and grocery shopping and his turn with the baby so mommy can go on a bike ride, and he'll be great at it all. We both have so much to learn, but we're looking forward to figuring it all out together.

I'm sure there will be lots of prayer, some tears and confusion, and then more prayer. I KNOW there will lots of love and joy amidst sleepless nights and poopie diapers. And thankfully, by August, most of those questions that drive my curiosity will be answered. And hopefully by Christmas, most of the "bigness" that I'm feeling will have melted away after months of breastfeeding and a return to triathlon training that I SO look forward too. (I never thought I'd miss running this much).

So until sometime in late May or early June, I'll keep getting bigger, keep being curious, and will still freak out periodically. And that is OK.

Two New Pics from Chris

Things I've NOT loved during pregnancy (be sure to read through the end).

1. Rhinitis of pregnancy (i.e. a stuffy nose almost all the time)
2. morning sickness (99% resolved at this point. Yeah!)
3. Prenatal vitamins
4. Calcium pills.
5. Food aversions for 4 months--salad, vegetables, coffee--but now I LOVE these things.
6. Sleeping on my side.
7. Mood swings.
8. Crying at commercials...and most anything else remotely sentimental.
9. Gagging when I brush my teeth.
10. Exhaustion.
11. Being out of breath from walking up the stairs too fast. Seriously?
12. Feeling like I have no idea how to deal with a newborn.
13. Gaining weight in all the wrong places.
14. Underwire bras.
15. Wearing 20% of my clothes 100% of the time.
16. Not being able to button my coat anymore...its cold ya'll!
17. Hot flashes at night.
18. Waking up before my alarm. That used to never happen.
19. Round ligament pain.
20. Heart burn.
21. Not drinking wine or eating sushi.
22. Not taking Ibuprofen (oddly enough, I kind of miss it. Maybe I have a problem.)
23. Costochondritis (inflamation of the cartilage in my rib cage.)
24. Not being able to "suck in" to squeeze through things or by people.
25. Worrying about what might go wrong and having to shut those thoughts DOWN.

This list is shorter than the thing I've loved during pregnancy, but its still a pretty good size list. Regardless of how long or short it is, I have to say, I really do LOVE being pregnant.

Its a time like no other. I've never felt more loved, more feminine (even though I can barely shave my legs on my own), and more excited about what lies ahead. Despite the aches and pains and emotions and sickness, seeing baby Baker rolling around in my tummy is just incredible and thinking about being a mom and Chris being a dad makes my heart beat faster. Praying that our baby will be blessed by God, will grow up to know and love Him, and trusting Him for this baby's life has deepened my understanding of what it means to be a child of God. The idea of unconditional love becomes more and more real with each passing day.

Things I've loved during pregnancy

1. People rubbing my tummy.
2. Watching baby Baker turn flips in there.
3. Seeing Chris's face when he first felt baby Baker move.
4. Flintstone's chewables
5. Bella Band
6. Wireless bras
7. Eating organic
8. Tall coffee from Starbucks (I tried doing decaf but kept drifting off)
9. Goddess dressing from Annie's
10. Zofran
11. Bran muffins
12. Fiber One bars
13. "Secrets of a Baby Whisperer" by Tracey Hogg
14. The Birth Center
15. Talking with Chris about names and finally deciding on them...I think.
16. Other people's opinion about whether we're having a girl or boy.
17. Not knowing whether its a girl or boy.
18. Long walks with Katherine and Jena Marie.
19. Getting bigger.
20. So far, no stretch marks. Please Lord...no stretch marks!
21. Praying for our baby.
22. Wondering if he/she will be blond or brunette.
23. Refinishing a crib.
24. New water bottles that I carry everywhere.
25. Wondering how I'll cope with labor and delivery.
26. Talking with my patients about being new parents and about their pregnancy.
27. Seeing our parents get excited about being grandparents.
28. Registering (target/target.com and amazon.com, in case you were wondering).
29. Boppy body pillow.
30. Cutting back on working out. I still do, but not 2-3 hrs a day like before.
31. The prospect of going part time at work after maternity leave.
32. Prenatal massage.
33. Tom's Natural Toothpaste and Deodorant.
34. Indulging food cravings..thankfully they aren't completely unreasonable.
35. babycenter.com
36. Getting over morning sickness.
37. The awesome support of friends, coworkers, and family.
38. Anticipating being a mommy.
39. Maternity jeans...they make such a difference.
40. Tums


Anyone else have things they LOVED during pregnancy?

look at this baby!

Holy Cow!


I woke up on Saturday and realized for the first time I have to bend over to see my feet. That was an eye opening experience! But baby is growing and moving and doing all the right things so far, so that's good :)

We just got a new camera, so I'll be posting more pictures soon.

Also, wanted to share some of the nicknames this baby has gotten so far. I call him/her "baby Baker". At work, he/she is "Bubba" or "Roo" (I like them both). My mom calls him/her "Baby Boo Boo", especially when she talks to my burgeoning belly. Its hilarious! The nicknames are sweet, and since we are keeping the real names a secret, having something other than "it" is kind of nice.

baby showers

Along with a baby often comes a baby shower or two. I guess the typical shower includes several things. Let's go through the short but much adhered to list.

First, the food. Usually, at least in my experience, the food tends towards girly finger food like cucumber sandwiches, fruit trays, and something involving chocolate. (By the way, I LOVE cucumber sandwiches like my mom makes with ranch dip...if anyone wants the recipe, please just let me know...they are AMAZING!). The drinks are usually punch, juice, and water, right? Wine seems just cruel to serve at a baby shower since the mother would have to watch longingly as her friend imbibe while she mournfully sips 7-up mixed with cranberry juice. Mmmm.

Next, the games. There's boy/girl games, baby name games, games involving balloons under shirts (like the new mom doesn't feel big already), etc etc etc. They usually sound silly, but sometimes turn out pretty fun.

Finally, gifts for the expectant, and hopefully exceedingly grateful, mom-to-be. This should be her favorite part of the party, unless, or course, her friends have veered away from the registry she worked so hard on and gone their own way. While this sometimes works out, I would say on behalf of all soon to be mothers out there, please just use the registry. We do it for a reason! Still, the gifts are awesome and so desperately needed, especially for a first timer who's husband works at a church.

Now, I say all this because God has been very gracious to us and two separate showers are in the works for Chris, baby Baker, and me. What a blessing!

One of the showers, I'm sure, will look very much like what was described above. Food, games, and gifts. LOVE IT! I know I'll have to probably wear a dress and be cute and pregnant, but sometimes even pregnant women want to get out of their sweats (but not today). My mom's friends are arranging everything, and I think its going to be held at the same place we got married, which is just the coolest idea. I can't even thank these ladies enough for their generosity and hard work. And I can't wait to see what it all culminates into.

The other shower, given by my sweet mother-in-law, will probably look very different. She said that she wanted to do something different and not typical and wondered if I had any ideas. What we've come up with so far is a Friday night "girls night" with dessert and coffee and fun "virgin" drinks where everyone has to dress up like its a night out. I think it'll still be a "shower", so please see our registry at target.com and amazon.com (ha!), but it'll be less fancy and more fancy free. My sweet friend Lisa suggested we then go out afterward and go dancing in Chapel Hill. Yes, I'm going to get out on the dance floor 7 months pregnant...and I'm going to shake it like a polaroid picture. Someone better get a picture.

(If anyone has any fun suggestions about what they've seen at showers, please let me know...always open for suggestions!)

Both showers are such a sweet offer, and both will be so enjoyable despite their differences. Still, the celebration of this new life coming into the world with other women is the heart and soul of both events, and I can't wait!

Some updates

So updates on things...

1. The bats are gone! Some guys came today and chased them out, then tacked up some mesh so they can't get back in. Yeah!!! No more squeaking, no more screeching, and no more poo.

2. The baby is doing well :) Little Baker certainly is a mover and shaker these days, and growing. My tummy keeps getting bigger and bigger, which is a fun and eye opening experience. Thankfully, Chris still things I look good despite the growth. We're 22 weeks now...only 16-18 to go.

3. My sister is going to be our doula. For those who think doula sounds like some kind of new coffee drink, it is in fact a birth coach. There's lots of reading and training involved, and its something she's wanted to do for awhile, and now she has a great excuse. I'm so excited to have her as part of our delivery, too.

4. The crib I bought several weeks ago is in the process of being refinished, on our front porch. I'm in the middle of sanding the thing down so that I can paint over the old finish. Its going from a light, honey colored to a dark, antiqued brown that should look AWESOME! Once that's done, the big items for the nursery are all taken care of. Cannot wait for the "little" things to fill it up.

5. We've finalized our boy/girl names for baby Baker, but we're not telling! That's Chris's idea, but I'll go with it. He went with us not finding out the sex, so I'll keep the names a secret for him. I will say that the first names both start with the same letter, and the middle names start with the same sound...and the names are pretty long. Poor thing is going to have trouble fitting his/her name in the boxes for standardized testing, just like I did. Katherine Marie Carringer is LONG! Katie Baker is much more manageable. I love the names we've settled on and can't wait to see which one works.

That's all I have time for now...work tomorrow and its getting late. I'll update more soon.

Hope everyone else has great things happening in their lives too!

Our Attic

When we first moved in our house in May, Chris noticed some "messes" in the attic but didn't think much of it since we didn't live in the attic and wouldn't need it for anything big. Then came the scratching and squeaking, which we tried to ignore, but it got to a point where we had to investigate. What we found was a small family of bats nesting in the corner of our attic, happily oblivious to the fact that they totally grossed us out. Of course, we let our landlord know and he brought us "bomber" to get rid of them, which didn't work at all. They are still up there, living, squeaking, pooping.

After a few more attempts via phone to get our landlord to do something, I gave up. I mean, they are in the attic, not in the living space in our house, and they don't bother us too bad. I guess we can have some sort of symbiosis with these creatures, as long as they stay THERE and not HERE, in my living room.

Then I got pregnant, and we needed some storage space. How about the attic? Oh, but the bats...

THE BATS! I'd kind of forgotten about them, until now. Now we will have a baby in the house. Now we need to put stuff up in the attic. Now I have a compromised immune system and don't want hystoplasmosis. Now I'm wondering if bat poop carries toxoplasmosis (I checked, and don't think so). But STILL!

So I called our landlord last night, asking him to return my call to discuss this ever present though sometimes unnoticed problem of bats in our attic. I'm done with "bombing" them...I want a professional in here to get rid of the bats and clean up after them, safely. If he refuses, then I'll ask to be let out of our lease so we can (gulp) move again. If he refuses again, then I'll threaten court.

Mama Katie isn't messing around any more.

Things you never thought you'd think...during pregnancy.

Pregnancy makes you a little crazy. At least, its made me crazy. Anyone else? I have these thoughts and internal dialogues that, when I stop to consider them, are truly strange and unique to pregnancy. For example...

1. At Kroger..."is it worse to puke in the baking aisle or in the meat cooler?"

2. At the doctor..."Oh good, there's a heart beat. So I haven't killed this baby yet."

3. Driving..."What if that driver suddenly swerves. Its not just me who's dead on the side of the road."

4. At the gym..."I bet these people are wondering why I look bigger every time I come here. Most everyone else usually start to shrink after several months of exercise."

5. On the couch..."I wonder if its bad to lay with my computer on my tummy. Does it emit dangerous gamma rays that could cause damage?"

6. At work..."Can my patient tell I'm pregnant in these scrubs, or does she think I just had one too many pies over the holidays?"

7. Everywhere..."If I don't eat something soon I'm going to kill someone." Also..."Where is my water. I need it, right now, now, now, now."

8. In Japan..."How do I tell a Japanese doctor that I have a raging yeast infection and am 19 weeks pregnant? Will my dad have to be my interpreter? Oh God, help me, this could be awful."

9. In front of the mirror..."So this is what its like to look like Pamela Anderson, from the neck down and waist up."

10. On Craigslist..."I wonder if anyone is selling breast pumps?"

11. In the bathroom..."Bran muffins are the shizzle."

12. In the kitchen..."What does the baby want for dinner?"

13. All the time..."What I wouldn't do for some wine and sushi." Then I opt for juice and toast. So not the same.

14. In the mornings..."I wonder if I'll ever stop gagging while brushing my teeth. Maybe one day it'll be normal again."

15. On the computer while registering at Target..."Why does baby bedding cost more than all my linens combined? I could buy an incredible bike (used) for that price. Or get that tooth crowned...or pay for this kid's first year at UNC."

There's some of my weird pregnancy thoughts. Feel free to add to the list.

Why nice people make my day

When you are pregnant and tired and nauseated, patience can run short. I'm not always the most patient, tolerant person anyway, but this new "condition" I find myself in makes things even worse. I'm have a harder time tolerating whining or people being slow and dragging their feet. It grates me even more when someone talks on and on and on about not a whole lot and I have to sit there taking it. I hate it when people make snarky, sarcastic comments that I know are kind of supposed to be funny but have a grain of truth within them. UUHHH! It drives me crazy. I don't like that my patience is so thin, and I don't like that its hard to be pleasant sometimes.

But I've found some brightness is my sea of impatience--a remedy to a shorter fuse.

Nice people.

Its amazing how freaking nice some people are. They are WAY nicer than me. Running into other people's niceness definitely makes me want to do better, be sweeter, and give more. It picks me up when I'm feeling grouchy. It makes me want to hug someone.

Let me recount some of the especially nice experiences that have happened recently.

1. Candace, my nurse friend at work, stood in for me during an epidural one morning at 5am after a long night shift, which means she did all the hard work while I just sat down. Thank you Candace!

2. My old friend Megan saw me in Target and immediately said congratulations on the baby and "I hope you feel better soon". She knew I was pregnant and sick b/c she saw it on facebook and remembered. So thoughtful!

3. While I was sick the last few weeks, scores of people texted me or facebooked me or messaged me with get well wishes. When you've laid in the same spot all day for 5 days, unable to breath out of both nostrils simultaneously and totally depressed after watching 2 seasons of Law and Order: Criminal Intent, those notes mean a lot.

4. My husband told me to get a massage. That's awesome. I'm going tomorrow morning. The anticipation alone relaxes me.

5. Sweet Lisa called me tonight, just to talk, on our way home from work. I love that.

6. My mom is giving me her rocking chair when the baby comes. It was the same one she used when I was born.

7. My former maternity clinical instructor hugged me today with such excitement when she saw my burgeoning belly. She's a midwife. She likes bellies.

8. A friend, who tends to be fairly private and guarded, opened up to me about some hard stuff she's going through. That's the kind of talking I like to listen to.

9. A coworker is bringing me prenatal yoga DVDs.

10. A friend from church gave me a huge bag full of maternity clothes. Yeah!!! Now I just have to grow into them.

11. My patient last week loved my haircut. Sometimes that's what a girl needs to hear.

12. Even though I'm getting bigger (and badder), Chris still thinks I'm pretty and tells me so very often.

13. My dad told me he's proud of me. It about made me cry.


Those are just the cake toppers to a laundry list of niceness oozing around me, and hopefully rubbing off. I need help, and I'm so thankful for friends who are more sweet and more patient than I am. Hopefully, one day, when I'm less hormonal and less exhausted, I'll be able to get back to my old self. Maybe it'll be second trimester? I sure hope so, as does everyone else around me too! I'll keep ya'll posted :)

What's happening during my 1st trimester

With only a few weeks left until I get to my 2nd trimester, I thought I'd give a quick recap of the last 11 weeks.

We'll start with physical changes. Where to begin...let's see.

Well, my waist has definitely expanded, which I knew would happened but am a little bummed it happened so quickly. It might because I had to eat pretty much all day to keep from puking for a few weeks. And a few times I ate an entire thing of hummus in one sitting, sometimes with my finger or a spoon when I ran out of crackers. It was just so good. As I ate it, I kept thinking of my friend Laurie once saying, "I could like, bathe in hummus." She was pregnant when she said that. Now I totally get what she meant.

My chest has dramatically increased, which I think explains the ever increasing numbers on the scale. My bras hardly fit and I keep "bumping" things accidentally with these things. A girl at work commented, "You will have to get used to your new body habitus," which means get used to growing because it won't stop for awhile. She said that after I totally boobed her in the locker room. We both had a good laugh over it. I'm hoping that my changing chest size will help off-set my growing waistline and booty.

I haven't gotten acne too bad, which some women complain about, but that's never been a big issue, even in high school. Thankfully something is staying the same.

My energy is starting to return, and even as I lay here with a terrible cold, I think I might have more energy this week that I did last week. Its been tough to feel so exhausted all the time, but supposedly that changes with the 2nd trimester.

Finally, the nausea is also starting to wain and my appetite is returning. Salad and cereal are finally sounding delicious instead of repulsive. Now, a few things sound good when I'm hungry, not just one thing. I still crave orange juice, and in fact, I'm waiting for Chris to get home from the store so I can have a glass. Man, that sounds so good.

Emotionally, I'm much more sensitive than before, if you can believe it. While I've also been pretty quick to cry, its about 10X what it used to me. Since being sick the past few days, I've had some time to catch up on upcoming movies on iMovie Trailers, and only cried at like, half of them. I cried during a movie trailor! Good grief. I can barely tell stories from work b/c they bring me to tears. My friend Jena Marie asked me why we weren't finding out the sex of our baby, and I cried recounting the moments when my patients who didn't know had their baby and discovered who and what it was. By the way, that's why we aren't finding out--b/c those are the best moments of my job, hands down. I want that. I cry thinking about our baby--who he or she will be, what they will love, how they will laugh...how Chris will be a wonderful father and teach our little one so much of living and loving and laughing, and shooting guns. Even now I'm tearing up. So we'll move along...

Spiritually, I'm learning more and more of being in God's presence and of prayer for life and endurance and for this new thing springing up within me. Never before have I been so afraid and curious and excited. When I'm afraid, He is faithful to remind me that He is good and near and knows. Though I'm not Catholic, I'm finding a weird peace in thinking of Mary, as she did this. She got bigger and felt tired and probably had weird food cravings, and possibly found satisfaction in hummus as well. Thankfully I don't have to ride a donkey during my 3rd trimester or give birth in a barn. I'm finding a new appreciation for the other mothers in scripture--I get their longing for a baby and also their excitement. I get why they dedicated their children to the service of God. I hope and pray our child will be as Hannah's little Samuel who heard God's voice and served Him faithfully. I'm knowing more of God's goodness in how my sweet husband has supported me and loved me despite my exhaustion and queasiness. He is so patient and kind and gracious and an example of God's grace to me.

So that's that for now. Things are moving along as they should. Our parents are asking about names and colors and showers, which is so fun. And honestly, that's what this should be. It should be fun. Its emotional and difficult and amazing--and fun.

So I peed on a stick and...

Yes, its official...we're having a baby! My eggo is preggo. There's a bun in the oven. A pea in the pod. I'm 100% knocked up.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me tell you the whole story, for those who are interested.

Many of you know that I've had baby fever for almost a year now, which was the answer to many of my sweet husband's prayers as I wasn't so gung ho to have kids when we got married. The Lord definitely changed my heart, pretty rapidly, and gave me an intense desire to procreate.

Due to my contract at UNC, we wanted to "schedule" a baby around the time that contract was drawing to an end to allow some flexibility with work as a new mom. With my contract set to end in Sept of 2010, we figured on 3 months or so of trying, which meant getting pregnant in November or December and delivering in Aug or September next year. It was all planned so perfectly.

Little did we know that it would take far less than 3 months to get pregnant. In fact, by all calculations, it took about 3 weeks. Fertile Myrtle over here.

I knew pretty much right away that I was pregnant. I could just tell. I felt weird. By weird, I mean...well, weird. Chris thought I was just having hysterical pregnancy symptoms because I wanted a baby so bad, and we'd been watching Glee and that's what happened to Mrs. Schuster, but I kept saying, "I'm not like that crazy mean lady. I really think I'm pregnant!"

Man I love when I'm right.

So for a week, I peed on a stick every day, watching and waiting for that line to show up. For a few days, it remained blank or showed up as "not pregnant". Ugh! It was awful.

Then one day, a FAINT line appeared...I mean, I could just barely see it. But there was something. Chris didn't get excited yet. He wasn't convinced. I decided to try again in three days, but couldn't bear the suspense so I did a test every day up to day 3, when a pretty good solid line finally appeared to announce, PREGNANT! He finally believed me :) I wasn't hysterical!

That was 7 weeks ago, and now I'm 9 weeks along with a confirmed heartbeat by ultrasound. Everything looks good so far.






Unfortunately, I'm in the throws of early pregnancy and when I say throws, I mean throws. Nausea like I didn't know was possible, complete exhaustion to the point of pulling over and sleeping in my car, and a changing body that's freaking me out. So far, God is good and I haven't puked in public, which is one of my biggest fears. I have, however, fallen behind in housework, so pray for Chris as he has to pick up my slack and deal with me moping around feeling gross all the time.

I keep hearing it gets better, and today was a small glimpse into that as I felt OK for a few hours and actually got excited about food. Yeah! So we're 9 weeks down, hopefully about 30 to go.

For you praying people out there, we would love if you could pray for a happy, healthy little one and some wisdom for two very inexperienced parents. Thankfully we had great examples growing up and lots of friends to offer advice and hopefully some babysitting as well.

Finally, for those of you who were wondering, our plan so far is to not find out the sex, not tell the final name decisions, and have a natural labor and delivery at UNC, where I work.

So that's that. We're very excited about this new chapter in our lives and very thankful for what's to come.

And then a giant katydid landed on my face...

Oh the joys of camping. The friends, the fire, the food, the foliage...and the bugs.

This past weekend, we packed up 2 cars with 3 tents, 6 chairs, and 1 baby and headed out to Hanging Rock State Park for an overnighter in the woods. "We" were the Bakers, the Dagleys, and the Sius...they had the baby.

Our campsite was so pretty, and our venture up to Hanging Rock was spectacular. The leaves were changing and bright. The hike wasn't too crowded, and the view from the top--there weren't words. Storms were supposed to be rolling in, and the sky was a mixture of dark clouds and shimmering sun rays stealing through. Seriously beautiful stuff.

We got back to camp, and Ed started up the fire. He had that sucker blazing within minutes and we lazed around eating hobo packets and roasting marshmallows for smores. Katherine had the great idea of sticking pieces of chocolate in the melted marshmallows once it was on the cracker so it melted too. Oh buddy that was good.

Things were going well up to that point. The rain hadn't started falling, Caleb wasn't crying (he's the baby), and we were all loving camping. Then I noticed a little tap on my leg and saw a huge katydid just hanging out on my pants. When I say huge, I mean several inches long and fat and green--like a giant leaf with legs that flies erratically, and apparently liked my pants. I swiped it off gently, laughing at my new "friend". Then it came back, right back on my leg. Now, it was dark, and the only light we had was from the fire and our head lamps. However, when I felt that tap again, I knew that big old katydid. Just like before, I knocked him off, this time a little aggravated. Stupid bug, stay off my pants.

Not 2 minutes later did that giant bug return. This time, however, he didn't stake out ground on my pants. Instead, that sucker landed right on my face, just by my mouth. Holy crapoly. I could feel its feet gripping onto my skin. I could hear its big green leafy wings vibrating as it landed. Had I stuck out my tongue, I could have tasted it. Thankfully sticking out my tongue is not my general reaction to a huge bug on my face. No, my reaction is to emit a small shriek and do whatever it takes to get the bug off my face and on to somewhere else.

And that's what happened.

Oddly enough, the "somewhere else" was my pants, again. What in the world was happening? Why did this bug love me so?

I had just about had it with the bugs. No more laughing. No more gentle swipes off myself. No more Mrs. Nice-to-the-bugs-lady. Instead of flicking the thing off, this time I was much more diabolical.

I grabbed the bug by its tail and threw it, forcefully, into the blazing fire. And I watched it burn.

Then out of the corner of my eye, I spotted another one, making its way to my pants, or possibly my face, so I preemptively struck, grabbing its tail and slamming it into the fire as well.

By the end of the night, 4 katydids met their fate in the fire at our campsite. Not one more landed on me.

I thought I was in the clear.

But alas, this is not the end of my camping saga.

In the middle of the night, safe and snug in my tent with Chris by my side, I felt something on my leg. Katydid? Could there be a 5th one that made it into my tent? I grabbed whatever it was a flung it towards the door of our tent, that was solidly zipped shut, but there was no way I was holding on to that thing. Quickly finding a headlamp, I searched the area and found the culprit. Not a katydid this time. Possibly even more gross and definitely bigger. There, crawling around in our tent, was a giant centipede, probably 3 inches long. That is what was on my leg. That is what I flung at the tent door. That is what I ultimately threw with all my strength out the tent door and into the great wide open. Eeeeewwwww.

Of course, having woke up in the middle of the night, now I had to pee, and it was raining outside. After much debate, I ran outside quickly and popped a squat in the middle of the woods, praying for no bugs to attack me during this vulnerable time. God heard my prayers, and even stopped the rain.

I snuggled back in the tent with Chris, but only before thoroughly searching the sleeping bag for any new additions. Thankfully we were in the clear, and I slept a little more.

The rest of the trip was fairly uneventful...but I still can't believe a katydid landed on my face.

To The New Dads Out There...

So fellas, the last blog was for single girls, and this one is for you men who have a little one on the way, or even plan on having one on the way at some point in your lives.

After a conversation I had last night with a couple who are expecting their first any day now, I thought I might need to give the guys some advice about what its like on their end, where to stand, what to say (and not say), what to watch and not watch, etc.

So here are some tips for upcoming fathers during labor and delivery.

1. Do whatever your wife/partner needs. Get her ice. Rub her back, or don't touch her, depending on what she says. She needs you to be available and she needs you to not get your feelings hurt if she tells you to stop talking while she's having a contraction. She means it, but in a good way.

2. Ask questions of your nurse and provider as to how you can help. It makes you feel more involved and it helps us too. We love helpful poppies.

3. Don't let your wife/partner watch any medical shows during her labor, which she might want to do after her epidural. They are OK at home, but watching "Emergency Birth" or "ER" or even "House" is a bad idea in the hospital. Not good for the soul.

4. Don't let the pain your wife is experiencing freak you out. Its awful to watch someone you love hurt so bad, but remember, its normal and natural and YOU CAN'T FIX IT. You can support her and love her and say sweet things, but let me say again, YOU CAN'T FIX IT. Unless she gets an epidural, its going to hurt the whole way through. Just be there, and pray a lot.


5. When mommy finally gets to start pushing, stand up by her head and support it while she pushes. That gives you closeness with her, and if you are squeamish, it'll help block your view of the action taking place a little further down. Sometimes a nurse might ask you to hold a leg, but that definitely gives you more of a front row seat. Its OK to say no or sit down. No passing out please. We already have two patients and definitely don't need a third at that point.

6. The nurse might ask you if you want to see the head as mom is pushing (we can usually start to see the top of the baby's head after a while). You can always decline. Like I said before, no passing out. Often we ask if mommy wants to touch the top of the head when it gets low enough. Don't be weirded out if she does--I mean, like the fact that she's pushing another human being out of her body isn't weird enough.

7. Encourage your girl as she's pushing--use phrases like, "Go Mama go!" or "You're doing it, you're doing it!" or "I can see the head!" help a lot. If mom has an epidural, she's usually be very sweet and responsive. If she's going "all natural" (emphasis on the "al"), she might not be as sweet, so don't say things like, "Enjoy these last moments of pregnancy" or "I'm almost sad its over". Yeah, not helpful. There's nothing enjoyable about that part except that its almost over. That's all she's shooting for at that point.

8. Cut the cord if offered by the provider unless its going to make you puke. Its a cool gesture, and honestly, after what your girl just did, its a fairly easy way to say, "I was with you baby, all the way, and I still am."

9. Unless you are super geeky and into science, don't watch the placenta come out. Its unexpected and weird and kind of gross. You just had a baby--don't let the afterbirth ruin your day.

10. If at any time you need some fresh air, by all means take it. If you need to sit, then sit. If you need some juice or coffee, get yourself some. Your girl is going through one of the hardest and best days of her life. She needs you to be on your game.

11. Try not to be weirded out by everything that happens in and around your girl's va-jay-jay. It means some very different to nurses and docs than it does to you. For us, its where something very important has to come out--totally opposite of your experience. We don't blink an eye about having to feel all around up there. Its an odd thing, I'm sure, to have strangers poking around, but remember, we do this every day to dozens of women we've never met. The only one who might think its weird is you, so get over it and support your girl.

12. When its all said and done, hold your baby and kiss your woman. I think she deserves it!

So there you have it. Now dads, you know what to do and what not to do. So go out there and have some babies!

To my single girls

Being single has its perks--something you really learn AFTER you are married--but personally, I love being married way more than I liked being single. And while I sometimes remember what it was like to come home after a long day and not have to answer to anyone, I'll take having someone to come home to over an empty house and pint of Ben and Jerry's any day.

Being married means having a partner and a friend all the time, during the big things like moving and jobs and life goals to the mundane things like grocery shopping, cooking, and sleeping. I haven't been lonely since getting married. I haven't gotten bored. I've laughed way more. I've learned to fight better. I've loved someone for who they are and received that same love back. I've seen God's grace played out on a daily basis. Who wouldn't want that?

This is why I pray for my single friends--so they too can know what its like to be loved in a very tangible way, so the longing in their hearts for a mate can be relieved and overwhelmed by love and commitment, so they can come home to someone that is committed to them for life and not just through the end of their lease.

For some girls, they are OK not being married, but for most, this is something they long for deeply. Deeply. Its something they've asked God to take away because it hurts. Its what they are afraid to talk about for fear of crying real hard at Starbucks into their Chai Tea Latte. Its personal, and its painful.

Its hard getting into your late 20s and 30s and not see any prospects. You wonder if there is something wrong with you. You wonder if it will ever happen. You wonder how on earth you will meet anyone who meets your standards, which you know are reasonable and not too high. You want to trust God, but that trust waivers with each wedding you attend and with each friend that calls to say that he finally asked her out.

Dang. When's my turn. Surely I have something to offer, right? I'm kind and gentle and compassionate and passionate...I'd be a good wife, I just know it. We could do great things together and have adventures and raise our kids to love God. Why am I alone at home every weekend, watching Bridget Jones's Diary again?

But I regress...

Having been that girl and now not being that girl, I pray real hard that God will raise up men who will take a chance on my girl friends who aren't just out of college, who are pretty and sweet and independent but not too independent, who have big goals like missions and church planting and hard core ministry in hard core places. These are girls who will sharpen a man and hold him accountable to his responsibilities before the Lord. They are Proverbs 31 women, and they are amazing. They are the girls I look at and wonder, "Why are guys so blind?"

So girls, you are in my prayers, intently and consistently, and until the big prayers for husbands and families are answered, I also pray for courage, peace, and love. And just know that in those moments when you have a hard time trusting God, someone else is trusting Him for you.

Family History

Ever since visiting my sister a few weeks ago, I've wanted to write a little ditty about our family history b/c its unusual and interesting and it involved one of my favorite things ever--the Appalachian mountains.

I'll start with my mom's side of the family, the Johnston side, b/c that is shorter and sweeter. The Johnston clan originated on the English/Scottish border hundreds of years ago as "Johnstone" and ended up moving to the States during colonization, eventually landing in rural, western Kentucky where my mom was born, 1 of 7 kids, to a farmer and his sweet wife Katie, my grandmother and name sake. They were poor and backwoods--my mom still remembers using an outhouse and chamberpot and getting water from the well. Up until a few years ago, the well and outhouse were still standing at the farm, though unused for years. Grandpa took to storing chicken wire in the outhouse, which I'm sure was not its original purpose. And for those of you wondering, it was only a 1 seater.

My grandparents farmed until they passed away--growing soy beans, corn, tobacco, pigs, and cows. I saw my first birth there (baby pigs), my first death (a deer get shot), caught my first fish, ate my first bite of squirrel and turtle (yes, turtle), learned how to snap peas, can strawberries, make peach preserves, clean a fish and fry it up, and remove ticks. That farm was a haven for learning, and my grandparents and parents were great teachers. What I gathered there didn't necessarily improve my SAT scores, it vastly improved my life, and that matters a little more than stupid SATs.

Now on my dad's side, this is where it gets a little more interesting historically, and its how the Appalachians tie in. My great grandmother was a Cable, and she married a Carringer, which is my maiden name. Now during the Revolutionary war, John Cable arrived to fight the colonist turncoats for the English, though he was German, a Hessian hired to fight by the mother country. John ended up defecting after the war and settling down in the heart of the Appalachians, in what is now east Tennessee. Other families joined around the settlement, and the area became known as Cade's Cove.

For years, Cade's Cove thrived and grew, until the Civil war, when the settlement became suspicious of outsiders, gathered their ranks, and shut off from the rest of the country. There was a little cousin on cousin marriage, I'm sure. These people perfectly fit the "hill billy" mold--poor, uneducated farmers who lived mostly off what the land provided them. My dad still remembers visiting his grandmother, Fanny Cable, up in the holler where her fridge was a cold spring under a rock and she sang "Angel Band" as she cooked in her apron. Fanny had 11 kids, one being my grandpa, at her home there in east Tennessee.

Cade's Cove still exists as a state park, and if you visit there, you can see Cable's Mill, started by John Cable, where my great grandma, Fanny, worked as a young woman. It even has a water wheel.

As a kid, we moved a lot, and no where ever felt like home to me until we landed in North Carolina, where my dad grew up, and especially when I went to school in Asheville. That was my first time really diving in to Appalachian life, with the music and dancing and craft and food. Up there you can still find Carringers and Cables and Crisps, names you don't see too often outside the hills of North Carolina and Tennessee. There, you find people who are country, and sweet, and use muscadines for cider and possum grease for croup. That's where I feel most at home. As much as I love my parents and love being at their house, its the mountains that call my name.

Chris and I talk about moving there one day, somewhere in the Appalachians. We want our kids to play in the woods and have animals and grow a garden. I want those things for me too. I'd like to have a life a little like my great grandmother and my grandparents in Kentucky--a little less money, a little more faith, and a lot more of God's creation around me.

Maybe one day...

All the pregnant ladies...just put your legs up!

In response to comments about the last blog, I'd like to take a second to talk to the pregnant ladies out there who might be wondering what its like to have a baby, and to answer Lauren's question, what it takes to be a great labor patient both for your sake, and for all you nurses out there too.

If you are having your baby at a hospital, you will find that your labor nurse is one of your best assets to having the delivery you hope to have. Labor nurses are with you through the thick and thin of labor from 3 centimeters to completely effaced to epidurals to pushing. We're there with two gloved fingers and a watchful eye. We take care of you and your baby, and most of us love our jobs and want to make the experience great for you and your growing family.

Still, there are some things that you, the patient, can do to make the relationship between you and your nurse blossom. Here's a list, off the top of my head, of things I love about labor patients, and things that can be difficult to manage.

1. Don't be afraid to ask for things, but try to do it nicely, even if you are in pain. We don't mind answering call bells or getting you some ice, but saying thanks in between contractions is just icing on the cake.

2. We love when husbands/partners/family members help out. Our jobs are hard and busy, so it helps makes things go more smoothly and quickly if family members take initiative and get a cool wash cloth for mommy's forehead. Trust me, we don't mind at all.

3. Try not to throw up on the nurse or your partner. At least aim for the floor, please. Lots of women puke in labor, and if you feel even a little nauseous, please please please ask for a bucket.

4. Don't worry about pooping while you push. We would much rather you push great for 1 hour and take a big 'ole poop then push bad for 3 hours and remain poop free.

5. Tell your nurse if something changes, like you all of a sudden feel pressure or this big urge to push, or if you want pain medicine. We can't read minds, and we want to help you, and we definitely don't want to miss your delivery because you pushed and we weren't there. Its like I tell my hispanic moms, "No empuja sin enfermera. No quiero bebe en la cama or el piso por favor." (Translation "don't push without the nurse. I don't want a baby in the bed or the floor please."

6. Its never too soon for an epidural, but it might slow things down. Epidurals make our jobs as nurses easier, but if you don't want one, we're OK with that. If we think you need one because you are freaking out or it looks like your baby isn't tolerating labor, then we'll tell you.

7. Birth plans are great, but its also great to hold them with open hands b/c labor is rarely predictable, no matter what the experts say.

8. If you are trying to decide to come to the hospital b/c you think you are in labor, try to avoid coming at 7am or 7pm. That's shift change, and its always chaotic. Its for your best interest.

9. Just be sweet to your nurse. We're here to help. We have rules we have to follow, like the number of people in the room at a time and what not. Please obey them. They aren't just arbitrary.

10. Trust your nurse and don't be afraid to try weird stuff we might suggest, like the birth ball or squatting or pushing on hands and knees. We do this all the time. Pushing is our deal, and we're usually pretty good at it.

11. When its all over and you are headed to recovery, saying thanks makes our day.

So there's ten things you can do to enhance the relationship you have with your labor nurse. Cussing doesn't bother us, screaming is OK, moaning rules, and pushing hard is awesome.

On behalf of all labor nurses out there, thanks for letting us share in your birth experience, and don't worry, we forget what it all looks like after the baby is in your arms.