To The New Dads Out There...

So fellas, the last blog was for single girls, and this one is for you men who have a little one on the way, or even plan on having one on the way at some point in your lives.

After a conversation I had last night with a couple who are expecting their first any day now, I thought I might need to give the guys some advice about what its like on their end, where to stand, what to say (and not say), what to watch and not watch, etc.

So here are some tips for upcoming fathers during labor and delivery.

1. Do whatever your wife/partner needs. Get her ice. Rub her back, or don't touch her, depending on what she says. She needs you to be available and she needs you to not get your feelings hurt if she tells you to stop talking while she's having a contraction. She means it, but in a good way.

2. Ask questions of your nurse and provider as to how you can help. It makes you feel more involved and it helps us too. We love helpful poppies.

3. Don't let your wife/partner watch any medical shows during her labor, which she might want to do after her epidural. They are OK at home, but watching "Emergency Birth" or "ER" or even "House" is a bad idea in the hospital. Not good for the soul.

4. Don't let the pain your wife is experiencing freak you out. Its awful to watch someone you love hurt so bad, but remember, its normal and natural and YOU CAN'T FIX IT. You can support her and love her and say sweet things, but let me say again, YOU CAN'T FIX IT. Unless she gets an epidural, its going to hurt the whole way through. Just be there, and pray a lot.


5. When mommy finally gets to start pushing, stand up by her head and support it while she pushes. That gives you closeness with her, and if you are squeamish, it'll help block your view of the action taking place a little further down. Sometimes a nurse might ask you to hold a leg, but that definitely gives you more of a front row seat. Its OK to say no or sit down. No passing out please. We already have two patients and definitely don't need a third at that point.

6. The nurse might ask you if you want to see the head as mom is pushing (we can usually start to see the top of the baby's head after a while). You can always decline. Like I said before, no passing out. Often we ask if mommy wants to touch the top of the head when it gets low enough. Don't be weirded out if she does--I mean, like the fact that she's pushing another human being out of her body isn't weird enough.

7. Encourage your girl as she's pushing--use phrases like, "Go Mama go!" or "You're doing it, you're doing it!" or "I can see the head!" help a lot. If mom has an epidural, she's usually be very sweet and responsive. If she's going "all natural" (emphasis on the "al"), she might not be as sweet, so don't say things like, "Enjoy these last moments of pregnancy" or "I'm almost sad its over". Yeah, not helpful. There's nothing enjoyable about that part except that its almost over. That's all she's shooting for at that point.

8. Cut the cord if offered by the provider unless its going to make you puke. Its a cool gesture, and honestly, after what your girl just did, its a fairly easy way to say, "I was with you baby, all the way, and I still am."

9. Unless you are super geeky and into science, don't watch the placenta come out. Its unexpected and weird and kind of gross. You just had a baby--don't let the afterbirth ruin your day.

10. If at any time you need some fresh air, by all means take it. If you need to sit, then sit. If you need some juice or coffee, get yourself some. Your girl is going through one of the hardest and best days of her life. She needs you to be on your game.

11. Try not to be weirded out by everything that happens in and around your girl's va-jay-jay. It means some very different to nurses and docs than it does to you. For us, its where something very important has to come out--totally opposite of your experience. We don't blink an eye about having to feel all around up there. Its an odd thing, I'm sure, to have strangers poking around, but remember, we do this every day to dozens of women we've never met. The only one who might think its weird is you, so get over it and support your girl.

12. When its all said and done, hold your baby and kiss your woman. I think she deserves it!

So there you have it. Now dads, you know what to do and what not to do. So go out there and have some babies!