Almost 31 weeks

In 2 days, I'll have reached 31 weeks pregnant. Oh my how time flies! It seems like just yesterday I was buying pregnancy tests that kept coming up negative even though I KNEW they should be positive. Yes, Chris thought I was having a hysterical pregnancy, but I wasn't...obviously. That was over 6 months ago.

Now its the 3rd trimester, and I'm feeling it. I'm feeling big. I'm feeling curious. I'm feeling freaked out (but just a little and not too often).

Let's start with feeling big. A nurse friend that I work with told me this week that she thought I was growing a big baby. Fabulous. Here I am, all about pursuing a natural, out of hospital birth, and now I have to consider pushing out a mega-baby? Thankfully I passed my glucola test at 28 weeks, so I don't have gestational diabetes, which predisposes you to big babies, but still. My boss made me feel better when she said she thought it was going to be a long baby. I'll take long! Its wide that makes me squeeze my legs together and tremble slightly.

On to feeling curious. Another nurse friend, who had two birth center deliveries, asked how I was feeling about the actual delivery, mentioning that she had felt excited about the first one b/c it was something so new and unknown. I agreed with her, but more than excited, at this point I'm super curious--about everything. How will I handle contraction pain? How bad will it hurt? Will I be a screamer, a moaner, the silent type? Will I shake, puke, poop? Will pushing feel better or worse? Will I go fast or slow? So many questions about the delivery!!!

Then there's the curiosity about the baby. Boy or girl? (yes, we still DON'T know). Lots of hair? What color? What color eyes? I'm guessing yes to lots of hair b/c of the ridiculous amount of heart burn I've been having, and I'm guessing light colored eyes b/c I have green ones and Chris has green/brown ones. Hair color remains a mystery to me. How big will this little one be? How long? How many fingers and toes? Hopefully 10 and 10. Will baby Baker be a good sleeper? A good nurser? An easy or hard baby?

This moves us into curiosity about motherhood. What will I love? What will I fear? What will I hate? Are cloth diapers worth it? Will baby Baker take a bottle when the time is right? Will pumping at work be strange or a nice break? How often will I get peed on/pooped on/spit up on every day? How will my priorities change? How will I lose the weight I've gained? How do I buy groceries? Etc. etc. etc. etc.

And this segues nicely into feeling freaked out, sometimes. If I start to think about how much will change in 2-3 months, it can get overwhelming. Thankfully, I have lots of great friends, family, and resources to find answers to my questions and help with I need it. My sweet husband will dutifully take on diapers and grocery shopping and his turn with the baby so mommy can go on a bike ride, and he'll be great at it all. We both have so much to learn, but we're looking forward to figuring it all out together.

I'm sure there will be lots of prayer, some tears and confusion, and then more prayer. I KNOW there will lots of love and joy amidst sleepless nights and poopie diapers. And thankfully, by August, most of those questions that drive my curiosity will be answered. And hopefully by Christmas, most of the "bigness" that I'm feeling will have melted away after months of breastfeeding and a return to triathlon training that I SO look forward too. (I never thought I'd miss running this much).

So until sometime in late May or early June, I'll keep getting bigger, keep being curious, and will still freak out periodically. And that is OK.