The Future

In college, the first time around, I was a psych major (or a major psycho, depending on who you ask). As a psych major, I took a series of personality tests that were supposed to reveal things about me and my brain, which they did. Some things varied from test to test, but one thing remained consistent--I like decisions to be made. I am a "J", if you ask Myers-Briggs. J people do not like things hanging over their heads, they like decisive answers, and they like them now. Rarely do we spend lots of time researching one option or the other.

Also according to Myers-Briggs, I am an NF, which means I make decisions based on intuition and feeling. This, combined the the J, often makes for emotional, quick decision making. Sometimes I make the right decision, sometimes not.

As a Christian, I have had to learn to pray about things--not always easy for an NFJ personality. Usually I find myself praying that I've made the right decision instead of what decision to actually make. More recently, thanks to a great deal of grace and a husband who mulls over decisions and researches options into the ground, the Lord has been teaching me to slow it down, relax, and wait on answers.

It makes me want to pull my hair out.

This is especially true for what lies ahead for Chris and I, namely in the area of future missions. Our church (www.summitchurch.cc) has an incredible sending program for missionaries through the International Mission Board (IMB). We have 3 main church plants and are opening 3 more in the next few years. Since Chris and I are committed to our church, we also feel committed to serving at one of these 6 places, despite the IMB having missionaries in just about every country out there.

But now we have to choose where and when. We have to decide which place fits our skills, personalities, and passion. We have to figure out where the God we worship wants to use us.

We don't know right now, and again, it makes me want to pull my hair out, what little is left.

Really, we could be used in any of the 6--we are adaptable, "marketable" people with a passion to see others walking with Jesus. Chris wants to be involved in counseling and discipleship and training other people up to do the same. I want to be in the lives of women, using nursing, and also making disciples.

Where will these passions lead? What will we do? How will it all happen? Who will we go with?

All these questions, and right now, very few answers.

But thankfully, we serve a God who knows the answers. It makes me think of when God asks Ezekiel some hard questions and he answers "I don't know God, but you do." I feel like him pretty often. Maybe, like Ezekiel, the Lord will use us to raise up an army of dry bones who can go to more places and touch more people's lives than the two of us are able to do on our own. Maybe He'll use us to raise up just a few. I don't know, but He does, right?

So for now, we wait for our answers. We wait and pray, and I try to not pull my hair out.