Good Books

So I was looking over our book collection today since I've been home sick and have overdosed on old episodes of 30 Rock. We've got some good stuff on our shelves, and I thought I'd share a short list of possible reads...remember, I'm a girl, so some of these probably won't thrill any guys out there, but some might, so keep reading. I'll label the "girls only" ones...

Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
A Tale of Two Cities
Wives and Daughters (girls only)
Calvin's Institutes
Augustine's Confessions
Everybody Poops
Sense and Sensibility (girls only)
Oh the Places You'll Go (that's Dr. Suess)
Knowledge of the Holy
Peace Child
The Princess Bride
Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret
The Wheel of Time (that's 11 books)
Mere Christianity
Harry Potter (also available in Spanish)
Lord of the Rings
The Chronicles of Narnia
The Great Divorce
Spirit of the Disciplines
Spirit of the Rainforest
Rumors of Another World
The Weight of Glory
Let the Nations be Glad
Desiring God
Confessions of a Reformission Rev
Sheet Music (for married folks only...trust me)
Bridget Jones's Diary (girls only, unless you are really trying to figure out women)
The Radical Reformission
From Jerusalem to Irian Jaya
I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always
The Socio-Cultural World of Luke-Acts
Honor and Shame in the Gospel of Matthew
Tess of the Dubervilles
Systematic Theology (Grudem's version)
Red Moon Rising
The Last of the Mohicans (great movie too)
The Mists of Avalon (if you want to know what Wiccans believe--not for the faint of heart)
The Three Musketeers
Blue Like Jazz
Any of Shakespeare's plays...12th Night is my favorite...and Much Ado About Nothing

So there's a good place to start :-)
If you have any questions, please let me know.

John Piper wrote in Desiring God, "Jesus is precious because we yearn for beauty." We, humans, love beauty. Girls love things that sparkle; guys love girls that sparkle. We celebrate beauty and strive after it tirelessly. And finally, when, by grace, we see Jesus, His beauty, so pure and real and greater than anything we've ever seen, we worship. Its a beauty that is irrefutable and the very reason for the saints' perseverance.

If Christ's beauty brings us to our knees, shouldn't all beauty ultimately turn our eyes and lives to Him? I think that's why the view from the top of Looking Glass Mountain takes my breath away. That's why art can bring me to tears. That's why I love the power of words--the beauty in these experiences makes me want to worship.

This is a video Chris shared with me from a Jewish jazz musician called Daniel Zamir, and is so good and beautiful that I literally thanked God and cried a little while listening to it. I wanted to share it. Daniel Zamir does not believe the same as I believe, but I can still see Christ's beauty in his music, and I hope others can too. Maybe Jesus is that big...or rather, that lovely.

PS. The drummer is pretty good too...and Daniel definitely redeems the soprano sax from Kenny G's debacle in the early 90s.

Recent Read

One of my favorite pastimes is reading. Just ask my husband. I've got stacks of books by my bed at all times and bookshelves full of favorites that I happily reread more than twice. Our friend Dan Hawkins once said I have good taste in books, and coming from him, who work in a library and reads more than anyone I know, that was a serious compliment. I nearly wept.

Currently I am reading two books--Lonely Planet's Guide to the Ukraine and Confessions of a Reformission Rev by Mark Driscoll, for the second time.

Now, Lonely Planet is pretty straightforward and not particularly life changing except for the fact that the more I read about the Ukraine the more intrigued I become with this country--but that is a whole nother blog post.

Confessions of a Reformission Rev, on the other hand, is worth a few lines of commentary, mostly because I think anyone who cares about the church and God's reputation worldwide should read this book. Its pretty great.

Confesssions traces the life of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, which Driscoll founded, from its beginnings as a small bible study with 20 people to a mega-church of over 4000 people in the past 13 years. Through humor and humble honesty, the author paints a history of failures, trials and errors, spiritual warfare, diligent prayer, physical suffering under the strain of being a pastor, and casting a vision for mission to people of a city with no idea of what mission meant. Driscoll comments on the dangers of liberalism in the Emergent Church/Emergent Village, even calling out several well known leaders of this movement by name. He talks about the struggles his own family faced, like when his daughter told him she couldn't sleep because dark angels were pulling her hair and telling her Jesus wasn't real. He says he was a cessasionist until he planted Mars Hill, as God began demonstrating His power through words of knowledge and prophetic dreams. Enemies rose up from within his congregation, people mooned their outdoor bible study, and a guy died of a herion overdose on the stairs of their church office.

With stories like those and chapters titled, "Jesus Could You Please Rapture the Charismaniac Lady Who Brings Her Tambourine to Church?" and "Jesus Why am I Getting Fatter and Meaner?", how can you resist?

Actually, aside from the fun stories and crazy experiences, the real draw of this book lies in Driscoll's relentless pursuit of God's glory through the redemption of souls and his unbending will to keep his church focused on this mission no matter the cost. Driscoll calls his church to go and make disciples, not to stay and just be cool and spiritual. He wants other pastors and missionaries, those reading his book, to be students of culture, to be creative, to love and honor scripture and to believe it, to love and honor God and believe Him and fear Him, and to be people of the Cross with eyes and lives on the mission.

That's something worth reading. And if you are interested in the Ukraine, Lonely Planet's pretty good too.

Anger

Yesterday at work, I got cussed out by a patient's mother on the phone an hour after arriving to work. She'd never met me, seen me, or spoken to me. The only experience she'd ever had in labor was her own was having her own children. After she told me that we, UNC Hospital staff, didn't know what we were doing (despite delivering over 300 babies a month), she hung up, swearing all the way.

I was shocked. No one had ever spoken to me that way, ever ever. More than shocked, I was angry. And not just angry, but mad. Like, I wanted to smack her, hard, twice. How dare she talk to anyone that way? I felt slightly abused and assaulted, and I knew that if she acted like that to my face, we'd have a problem on our hands.

Thinking ahead to that potential problem, I told my charge nurse and our unit clerk that if this lady came to the unit, she should not be allowed in. Our clerk announced with a grin, "Girl, I LOVE calling security!" I knew she would.

We didn't have to call security, and everything ended up fine, but it made me think about my own response to this situation. Did I have a right to be angry? Given the chance, should I have said anything to this woman about her actions and words? What does it mean to turn the other cheek and does that apply here? What would Jesus have done? He probably would have said something deep and wise--something I could never come up with spur of the moment. He's way smarter than me, and quicker.

I still don't have an answer to the question, really...I don't know what the "Christian" response is in situations like these. Thankfully I did not have the chance to respond yesterday in my anger because it would have been decidedly un-Christian. Now I have time to process, time to pray, and figure out what to do next time. Maybe there won't be a next time, but probably not.

Prayer time

Chris and I are praying tonight for the 1000 hours of prayer our church is doing this week. I thought, in order to focus, have accountability, and share with you our prayers, I'd blog a little while and what we prayed.

Lord, I thank you for the grace you have poured out on our church and in our lives. You are growing both us and the Summit, and we are learning so much, namely, that its not about us and that its nothing we do. Still, we come to you humbly with requests, as we long for people to know you and to worship you.

God, I hope that our campus at West Club is a place where you are honored above all things. God, may it be a place of deep and honest worship, a place of friendship and community, a place that is focused more on our neighbors and community than ourselves, and a place were lives are changed to the glory of your name.

So much of the world is living without light and they have no idea. So many people need a Savior. And God you have raised up people here to go and tell them about Jesus. I pray for our churches in Central and Southeast Asia, for South Africa and China. God, give them grace, give them humble hearts, give them power over the darkness so that people might come to know you through them. Reveal yourself to their neighbors and their friends. Make yourself known for your name's sake and for the sake of your renown.

I pray for future churches in North Africa, Eastern Europe, and Latin America--may teams be raised up here to go and make you known. Open doors and homes and streets to your gospel. Give your people courage to speak and ears to hear, and make those who go learners and listeners just as they are teachers and speakers.

Lord, for the sake of the mission, for the sake of the vision, for the sake of your name, and for the sake of the hearts of the people at the Summit, draw us unto yourself and help us respond to your gospel with generosity. May our lives not be ruled by greed, material comforts, or satisfying our wants first, but may our lives reflect the Savior--kind, generous even unto death, obedient, and gracious. May we all catch the vision of making you known and may we give in response, of our time, money, energy, and prayers. May our gifts be acts of worship. May our hearts be cheerful and our minds trusting, and may it all be to your glory.

Amen.

Our time is out and now we're going to watch a Mark Driscoll sermon. Then we're going to watch Bones. Friday nights rock.

The Future

In college, the first time around, I was a psych major (or a major psycho, depending on who you ask). As a psych major, I took a series of personality tests that were supposed to reveal things about me and my brain, which they did. Some things varied from test to test, but one thing remained consistent--I like decisions to be made. I am a "J", if you ask Myers-Briggs. J people do not like things hanging over their heads, they like decisive answers, and they like them now. Rarely do we spend lots of time researching one option or the other.

Also according to Myers-Briggs, I am an NF, which means I make decisions based on intuition and feeling. This, combined the the J, often makes for emotional, quick decision making. Sometimes I make the right decision, sometimes not.

As a Christian, I have had to learn to pray about things--not always easy for an NFJ personality. Usually I find myself praying that I've made the right decision instead of what decision to actually make. More recently, thanks to a great deal of grace and a husband who mulls over decisions and researches options into the ground, the Lord has been teaching me to slow it down, relax, and wait on answers.

It makes me want to pull my hair out.

This is especially true for what lies ahead for Chris and I, namely in the area of future missions. Our church (www.summitchurch.cc) has an incredible sending program for missionaries through the International Mission Board (IMB). We have 3 main church plants and are opening 3 more in the next few years. Since Chris and I are committed to our church, we also feel committed to serving at one of these 6 places, despite the IMB having missionaries in just about every country out there.

But now we have to choose where and when. We have to decide which place fits our skills, personalities, and passion. We have to figure out where the God we worship wants to use us.

We don't know right now, and again, it makes me want to pull my hair out, what little is left.

Really, we could be used in any of the 6--we are adaptable, "marketable" people with a passion to see others walking with Jesus. Chris wants to be involved in counseling and discipleship and training other people up to do the same. I want to be in the lives of women, using nursing, and also making disciples.

Where will these passions lead? What will we do? How will it all happen? Who will we go with?

All these questions, and right now, very few answers.

But thankfully, we serve a God who knows the answers. It makes me think of when God asks Ezekiel some hard questions and he answers "I don't know God, but you do." I feel like him pretty often. Maybe, like Ezekiel, the Lord will use us to raise up an army of dry bones who can go to more places and touch more people's lives than the two of us are able to do on our own. Maybe He'll use us to raise up just a few. I don't know, but He does, right?

So for now, we wait for our answers. We wait and pray, and I try to not pull my hair out.

Kristi Winters Walker

This morning, a woman that I went to high school with, Kristi Walker, passed away from complications with breast cancer. She left behind her three young boys (one an infant), and a loving husband.

Kristi loved Jesus deeply and trusted in His salvation for her hope, and now that hope is realized, to her joy despite the sorrow felt by the countless people who were praying for her and her family.

Please pray for the Walker/Winters family for they have lost a wife, a mother, and a daughter. Also, praise God for the many lives that He touched through Kristi's journey. She was a light in the dark.

2 steps behind

Newlyweds are notoriously poor, with hand me down furniture, second hand books, and a huge flat screen TV that was an unexpected and welcomed wedding gift, despite the fact that it sits on a small TV stand from some sweet Craigslist deal.

Chris and I started with very little. He had just finished school and was working full time at the church only 5 months before we got married, and I was still in school, not starting work until Sept of 08. We found a small 2 bedroom apartment in central Durham to rent, drove old, somewhat rickety cars, shopped at Target for clothes, and tried to not eat at expensive places (thankfully Tokyo Express is pretty cheap b/c we're addicted). We have no debt, unless you count the 2 years of work I owe to UNC for paying for school, but that's not monetary and I love my job.

Currently, we both bring home a pay check, and we're saving some and trying to spend wisely. Sometimes we go a little over our budget, like at Christmas, but not very often. We actually have more money now than either of us has had as adults. What recession?

Our pastor, J.D. challenged the congregation a few weeks ago to live two steps behind our income bracket in order to be able to give more for the sake of people in need and ultimately for the sake of the gospel. Dang...two steps behind?

When I compare two steps behind to the girls that I work with (who I consider in my income bracket), that means no new car, no buying a house, not much going out to eat, not a lot of new clothes, definitely not new clothes from the mall unless they are on huge sale, no needless trips...just not much at all.

Chris and I already live pretty simply and sparsely...what more can we give up?

That is our prayer right now. What more can we give up? There has to be more. We still have plenty to eat and to wear and a house that works, most of the time. We're not struggling.

Its part of the challenge to believe...to believe that God wants to do great things in this world...to believe that money is not where our security lies...to believe that He will provide in the future as we give in the present...to believe that I don't need designer jeans to be a normal girl.

Through this whole process I've seen how much I count on money for comfort. Not material comforts but emotional comfort...knowing that whatever comes up, we can handle it financially. Where is faith in thinking like this? Where is trust? What am I really believing in?

This story is not over...not even close.

Ballykissangel

Rarely do I find a TV show addictive. The Office is one for sure...Arrested Development and Seinfeld too. All American, all comedies, all about quirky (and sometimes downright crazy) people. I think its the shows about weird, funny people that draw me in. Sure, I like drama too...The Closer for example. Full of drama, but also full of goofballs that make me laugh.

Maybe that's why I've been totally sucked into a new "old" show. I mean, I can't stop. Its like cake or skittles--just one more bite. PLEASE! Actually, its probably more like coffee--not as unhealthy as cake or skittles, but even more addictive. Like, every morning addictive. Oddly enough, I generally only drink coffee on days I work, and I generally only watch this show on days I'm off.

What show has so enthralled me that I'm now blogging about it? What show has commanded an hour, at least, of my day the past 4 days? What show combines the allure of drama with the lightheartedness of silly characters for non stop entertainment? I hoped you would ask.

Ballykissangel. Yes, you read that right. Ballykissangel.

Its from the 90s, its set in Ireland, and its about a priest. Have I tempted your fancy yet? If not, I'll continue...

Its about a big city British priest, Father Clifford, who moves rural Ireland as the curate, and rushes headlong into the lives of his parishioners. One's always trying to get rich, one's a coward police officer who thinks he's supposed to be a priest b/c a statue of St. John almost fell on him, one's a feisty girl who's desperate to get married, one's a vet who sometimes drinks too much and wakes up surrounded by sheep, and one's a hot single girl who is mad at God and the church.

Oh the drama! Oh the humor! Oh the accents!

BallyK (as the locals call it) used to come on PBS, but now I've only found it online on Netflix.

So, if you are in the mood for some good British humor and lovely characters, give Ballykissangel a try. You won't be a bit sorry you did.

Cheers!

Running tips

I ran through Durham this morning, and after 5 miles with 4 to go, I needed something to occupy my mind. Having logged several thousand miles of open road, I've learned a few things about this sport/activity/pastime that are both informative and kind of fun. So, I began to think about tips I could share about running--things every runner needs to know and maybe some non-runners might even find helpful. Here we go...

1. Running with a buddy is usually more fun than running alone.
2. Snot rockets are a necessity.
3. When running, your brain and your bowels are your worst enemy.
4. Gas station attendants generally don't mind you using the bathroom. Just don't say, "Thanks and I'm sorry" on your way out.
5. Always have your sunglasses handy, except at night, but you shouldn't really run at night, especially in Durham, unless you are with a running buddy who can kick butt.
6. Beware of uneven pavement.
7. If you find yourself falling, tuck and roll like Jennifer Garner in every episode of Alias and come up shooting...I mean running.
8. Always choose the longer route. You can do it.
9. Running in the city is usually more fun than running in the country.
10. New shoes are a great motivation.
11. Never trust a dog--in a car, on a leash, or even a toy poodle named "Sweetie".
12. Homeless people usually say hi back.
13. Keep your ears warm at all cost.
14. Hills are your best friend, even though they sometimes rear up and smack you in the face.
15. Running when its 18 degrees and feels like 8 degrees is possible, but every step hurts.
16. Its too cold to run when snot freezes to your face.
17. Its too hot to run when you are sweating before you've left the house.
18. Drink lots of water, even in winter.
19. Drink lots of coffee (that's a tip for everyone), after your run is over (not great health advice, but coffee is so good and you deserve a reward!).
20. Running can be a social event, but you know its a good run if you can't talk most of the time.
21. Passing your favorite restaurants on route is also great motivation.
22. Powershots are way more fun that Gu.
23. Laying down after your run feels awesome.
24. Laying down during your run is usually a bad sign.
25. Having a working knowledge of traffic patterns, stoplights, and the "right of way" is a necessity for navigating any route that's not your treadmill.
26. Drivers are scary, and sometimes don't look right when they are turning right. Keep your head up and eyes open. You are smarter than them!
27. If someone whistles or hollers at you, just give a little wave and continue down the road.
28. Saying hi to other runners will make their run better.
29. You don't need expensive running clothes to be a killer runner. You just need good shoes, and good socks, and good socks are cheap.
30. Say hi to cyclists too. We're in the same club, right?
31. The last mile of your run is more dangerous than the first so watch your step.
32. Very rarely can you find a flat run in NC--everything is either up or down so don't be fooled.
33. Wave to drivers who yield for you. That was nice of them.
34. Running in circles sucks...try the open road.
35. Start slow and work your way up. No one is a good runner at first.

So that's what I've got for now. Any other tips?

lunch today

The UNC School of Nursing Accelerated BSN Program is 14 months of classes, labs where we poke and stick mannequins, clinicals where we poke and stick patients, hours of cramming for exams, and even more hours crying to our classmates during our 10 and 30 minute breaks between classes and for lunch about how our lives were ending.

With only 28 people in my class, some really fun friendships formed amidst the hospital and labs and tears. And, with UNC Hospital's amazing loan program, 22 of the 28 new nurses are working at the hospital, so most everyone is still in the area.

Today I met up with one of those people for lunch, someone I had bonded with during our time on the Rehab unit at UNC in our first clinical. We helped each other with patient transfers, medication administration, and bedpans. She actually made all of those things fun, well, close to fun.

Now she actually works there, and we try to get together every so often to catch up. Without fail, nursing is the center of our conversation. That's what we know, and so that's what we discuss. There's always stories about crazy patients or scary situations that only another nurse can understand and relate to. She tells me her stories, and I share my own. Despite working on very different units with a very different patient population, our stories, without fail, make us laugh.

In this line of work, you have to laugh in order to make it, else you burn out. Taking things too seriously in nursing is a death sentence. Sharing your experiences, both successes and failures, as well as the ridiculous, with other nurses is therapy. People outside of healthcare will listen, but they don't really understand, or they get a little nauseated. I'm pretty sure the guy at the table next to us was gagging a little during lunch today.

But we have to get it out, and thankfully, the Lord as blessed me with several friends in the field to unload on and to laugh with. What a change from nursing school, where we were all on the verge of a nervous breakdown most of the time. Now we have lives and can be creative and have fun and chuckle at ourselves and our jobs.

I'm so glad that my friend met me for lunch today for said chuckling. I know she'd be there to listen if I needed to cry a little too, but today neither of us did. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

Husband

Growing up, I always wondered what it'd be like to be married. Would it be weird to live with a man who wasn't a family member? Would I really be able to pee in front of him? Would we be super romantic or more practical? Would we be social butterflies or home bodies? What TV shows would we watch together? What would we name our children? How would be serve the Lord together?

So many questions, and the answers are only found in actually walking out the day to day with the man I said "I do" to.

Having been married, now, for a whopping 9 months, I can say that I've found the answers to these, and many more, questions.

I can also say that, despite finding a number of answers, Chris, my sweet man, continues to surprise me, and I love it.

For example, on my way home from work tonight, he told me about all he learned today watching videos online about how the brain works, especially concerning sleep and learning. Apparently the 11 hours of sleep he got last night help him retain all the information he proceeded to relay to me about those videos.

And I loved it! I loved his fascination with these videos, and how he wanted to actually apply it to his life to improve things. I loved that he wanted me to watch them to and share in his fascination. I loved that he got aggravated when I wanted to work on this blog instead of watching.

Chris sometimes gets sucked into Wikipedia tornados, which turns into gold as he digs for little pockets of knowledge that he then share with me, so we're both learning about interesting, and sometimes ridiculous, things (see Winchester Mansion on Wikipedia).

So honey, thanks for sharing. Sorry I don't always listen, but please, keep talking.